So lately I've had quite a bit of time on my hands.  This has been driving me crazy, I'm used to having a packed schedule and am always busy.  For the past three weeks, I've been jobless which I thought would allow me to get some rest and refocus. Nope. I'm going insane not working. I've always worked or done something to occupy most of my days.  Today I actually sat down and spent some much needed time with God.  Which is what I should have been doing for the past three weeks.  I realized that I've been finding my worth and value in others and their opinions of me.
This is not okay.
Seriously.
I worked at a job for two whole years that was making me so unhappy.  I could have quit and found another job at any point.  I kept saying I would only six months after working there.  I didn't realize it but I stayed because I was good at it and it never changed.  Change terrifies me.  So I stayed at this job until the breaking point which wasn't healthy in any way whatsoever.  I'm starting a new job tomorrow and these past three weeks have been torture, I didn't take time and rest. I worried and built anxiety on not knowing what the next day would hold.  I know now it's because I wasn't working at "pleasing someone" or "meeting someone's expectations."  I have a passion to serve people. Instead of serving others in God's name and bring him honor I was using this passion for my own selfish gain.
This is not okay.
Seriously.
Well, now that God has shown me this I have a mission to serve others with a true servant"s heart.  I'm excited to see what new opportunities to honor God are waiting for me. It scared me not knowing what was next or if I'd be good at it but now it excites me knowing that my God is in control and whatever is next He will receive all the honor.